| Recent Entries |
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Oct. 19th, 2004 @ 12:46 pm
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well it was a stressful weekend, but i got every thing figured out Rob was never with any other girl he has just been busy trying to get his shit together, and once again we are how were use to be. talking for hours a night, and just being with eachother. Eventhough we dont get to see eachother that much i am still happy. this firday he will be out in the field for the next 9 days i will be sad but this will give us a chance to miss eachother. school is going ok with me but if i dont pass this 9th grade proficiency test i am not going to get my deplomia which will piss me off. i got a job last thursday i now work at KFC i love their food its the best i am so hungry right now my tummy is talking to me :) i am getting along with my mom pretty good and my sister Emily and I are just now starting to get along once you get to know her she is a sweetheart and when shes not being a brat lol. its 1pm only 2 hours and 20 minutes left in the day i need a twiggie so fucking bad :) i have 3 left then when i get home i am going to eat my tummy is mad at me for not feeding her lol well i am done talkign now so you all have a great day i know that i will cant wait untill i get to talk to my sexy Rob :) peace out homesCurrent Mood:  high |
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i say i am sad, but i dont know what i feel. Numb i guess, but then why can i still feel this pain in me. It stabs at me like and knife in my side. All i wanted was a mom, but instead i got her. this world is full of so much good. people just have to open ther eyes to it and let it in, but instead we hide from it. we hide from our feelings, from everything we know. Realize that FUCK THIS... I HATE IT ALL
all i wanted was a mom, but instead i got her
shallow
childish
no mother at allCurrent Mood:  sad |
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i feel so alone i know that many people move every day, but it has been so hard on me i feel helpless. I called my bestfriend jaquelin today and we just cried on the phone together and there is nothing that i can do to stop her from crying and so i cry too. i am so use to fighting and confrentation that i dont know what to do with out it, but now that i live with my mom it has been different. i dont know anyone so i cant go out and do anything with people so i just sit home and do nothing. And on top of it all my mom keeps trying to change how i dress, but anyone who knows me knows that it will never happen i like my gothic/punk look but senice she was a prep/cheerleader when she grew up she is trying to make me one too, but i wont let it happen like today she said that if i want to "FIT IN" then i have to dress different. i stoped her right there and told her that if i have to change who i am to "FIT IN" then i dont want to fit in. I just want to go back to Woodland and i will soon enough just one year left i wanted to move out of my dads so bad but i didn't want to move here i wanted to live on my own and i will soon enough. i go to write a poem and i look at the paper and nothing comes so i jsut sit there i have nothing to write nothing to say and nothing to do. the most exciting thing that i have done is dyed my hair but i did that all the time any way its brown and hot pink i like it. any way i just had to blow off some steam i guess that next weekend we are going to michigan to see my family my moms sid just wants to change who i am i know that i have had a bad attiude senice i have gotten here but right when i got here my mom told me that i have to dress different and i keep telling her NO and i will keep telling her no i will not change my dress does not make me.
i have nothing else to say
i love you all
peace outCurrent Mood: lonely Current Music: Nobody's Home (Avril Lavigne) |
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If love is so great
Then why does it hurt
It tears up apart
Causes the lies
Love is pain
Never bliss
Never true smiles
Only ones that get us by
Wondering aimlessly through this life
Determined to find this pain called love
Friendships are lost
All the loved ones die
As we are left with all these lies
If love is so great
Then why is there pain
Why does it hurt
Why do we cryCurrent Mood:  drained |
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A white piece of paper sits in front of me
With nothing to say
There will be nothing to write
My hands clenched tight
As i forget about our fight
I come to my room for only this
A piece of paper
To stop my tears
To end my fears
A way out for me
I take a deep breath for my sanity
And once again there's serenityCurrent Mood:  blah |
| » Games |
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Fuck these games
There will be no more pain
The tears fell out
They poured like rain
I drowned in the sorrows you left for me
I picked up the peices
As my blood flowed free
A lock on my heart
I hold the key
I looked at you
As you ran from me
I'm done with this
I'm done with you
The tears wont fall
There will be no ganes
There will be nothing
Never, anything at all
Apr. 30th, 2004 @ 01:50 pm
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| » i'm happy again |
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i have been in the best mood lately. over spring break i went to my boyfriends house and i accidently stayed the night there it was great i had fun i really like him. also on spring break my best friend Jaquelin my boyfriend J-Roll his step dad and i all went out and played pool it was great fun. tonight i am going to go over to his house and spend some time with him well i hope i am i have not seen him senice Sunday but i stayed up till 3:30am talking to him and i had to get up at 6:00 but i was fine. any way i'm bored so i am going to go
you all have fun because i know i will
Apr. 16th, 2004 @ 01:34 pm
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| » fuck fuck fuck |
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fuck this gay ass shit school is so fucking dumb and the administeration does jack shit to fix it. this moring i got on the bus to go to skills center and we had a new bus driver i went to the back where i always sit and go to sleep EVERY FUCKING DAY!!!!! but she said that all Woodland people had to sit up front i refused at first but then i went to the front unwillingly then after we got to skills center i placed my blanket in the back seat ant the driver got an attiude and said that i was not going to sit there and i told her that all i wanted to do was sleep on the way home so she let me sit there and i fell asleep the whole way and the vice-princapal is the one that woke Jaquelin and I up and told us that we were going to get kicked off the bus if we sat there again and he tried to tell me that i was ok sitting up front and he kept telling jaquelin and I how we felt about this and if you really want to know how i feel i think that it is BULLSHIT and that i should not be punished for things that i did not do i have been fighting with people all fucking day then went i walked into the libary this girl khrystle that was agreeing with me on the matter was talking shit about me saying that Mr.U didn't do anything to Jaquelin and I and we just want a reason to bitch i went off on her and told her to fuck off i'm so pissed and i cant get any of this anger out
i have to go home now
bye
Mar. 5th, 2004 @ 02:55 pm
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| » untitled |
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I really dont know what is wrong with me lately. Last night all i did was cry from like 5 till 10 even when i was hanging out with my friends. I have been disobaying my dad and my grades are slipping just a bit i have and A,B,A,F which the F is the only bad grade and my dad woke me up at 5am to yell at me about it. i was thinking this moring and i think that i am going to go visit my mom this summer she said that if i do go there then my grandma my aunt my mom and i are all going to go to a resort in Illinois which sounds fun. i am going to get tan and i am back on the zone.i am in 5th period and i am so bored. i have to work from 5 to 8:30 tonight i only have 5.5 hours this week and we are hiring new people too i think that is fucking gay my hours are cut so bad and to make things worst my dad is now on STRIKE. i wish i was rich. well i have to get back to class but first here is a poem tha ti wrote.
The world is and ugly place
Hate and greed consume the air
Love has its toll
A price for our hearts
Bitterness rules the land
There's guilt in our souls
The ghosts of our pasts
Haunting us in our sleep
Death in our dreams
Reality screams
Nothing good will come from this
There's war over seas
Our people will die
As we wear away in this hateful,greedful,loveless world
well i will talk to you all soon bye
Mar. 4th, 2004 @ 02:49 pm
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| » (No Subject) |
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well hey guys
yes i am still alive unfortuinate for some of you but for the others hello. my life has been going good i have been haveing Daygua-vou a lot lately which is a good thing, it has been snowing here for the last week and i hate it i cant even drive my car my dad has to pick me up from work tonight.the only good thing is that i cant go to school cause all the roads have ice all over them. anyway i have not really been doing much i dyed my hair it is blond in the front and the rest in black. i like it a lot but dumb ass fuckers have some bright idea to piss me off and do it to their hair and say i copied them well fuck that. any way i have to go take a shower and get ready for work.
i need a smoke
anyone got one
P.S.Val i am saving up to go there this summer i miss you all bunches and i love you all very much see you soon love me
Jan. 8th, 2004 @ 02:02 pm
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| » BURGERVILLE FUCKING SUCKS |
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this shit is so fucking stupid i think that i am going to get fired from burgerville because my manger was being a complete asshole and was being very damanding and i told him that i wanted to get my order out before i went to go look for my visor and he told me "GO NOW and GET IT" and he was very rude about it so i told him not to be such a hardass and i got written up for it. so i called into work yesterday to see if they needed me to work and they said no but htat they took me off the saturday and sunday schedule and that on monday i will have to come in and talk to margie whom is the GM and yes she is the one that fires people. so i have been going and turning in apps all over the place to find a new job
i fucking hate it there but i think that the guy at radio shack is going to hire me well i hope so.
anyway i am going to go to class
bye
Nov. 13th, 2003 @ 12:41 pm
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| » gunea pig |
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i feel like a gunea pig. everyone is trying to copy my home work that i spend my time doing and they feel as if they must go party and do other shit than homework. it kind of pisses me off if i am going to make the grades than that is my grade to have and not theirs. i am going to start do false shit to my home work and turn in the good copy from myself and let them get a hold of the fucked up one.
well i found out my grade for english10 i have a 100.1 percent i am very proud of myself for that. and i know that i did it all on my own because i dont copy like sone people.
anyway i am thinking of getting back together with Harley but he has to prove himself.my friends show is tomorrow night i am very excited i cant wait i get to see my mike and my danny i cant wait
i have to go to class now and NOT COPY
bye
Sep. 26th, 2003 @ 11:14 am
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| » why did you come back |
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why did he have to come back i was doing so good with out him and yesterday he just shows up out of nowhere. i'm talking about Harley. i went to the feed store last night after school and i walk in and John and Harley are sitting there. he decied to tell me that he still loves me and that he has never stope caring about me but for him to say that no after a year of me loving him and he just ingorned me was hard he kept touching me the way that he use to and every time he did it felt like he was stabbing me. he pissed me off really bad last nigh and i really dont believe a word he said i think its just that he is not getting any so hi is trying to get some from me and its not going to work. i loved him for a long time but the times have changed and i am taking my life back i am not going to cry anymore
i also dont thing that Mariah is my dads baby because two brown eyed people cant make a blue eyed baby and well whatever i am not going to worrie about it. i hope that soon my cousin and my Aunt Liz are going to move here with me i miss them very much.
i have to work tonight fron 5 to 10 at least i will get out of the house. yesterday john told me that he is moving to califorina this monday. that pissed me off because he is one of my best guy friends. i guess that i will just miss him. i keep falling a sleep on the bus to Skill Center to day and on the way back i fell into a very deep sleep and had a dream where i was kicking Harley and i actually kicked Jaquelin.
well i said tha ti would post that poem that i finished the other day it is about my dad.
You put me down
You say all these things that i know you dont mean
If i have heard them once
I have heard them before
I know i shouldn't believe them, but i do
Why did you have me
If you didn't want me
You wouldn't hold me
You wouldn't touch me
How can i even look at your face
You call me fat
YOU call me a slut
You say i'm going to be a drug addict when i grow up
Then you say you love me
That doesn't make it right
You're suppose to be my dad
We're not supposed to fight
written by me
ashley fried
Sep. 19th, 2003 @ 11:29 am
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| » dont touch my fucking car |
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god people are so bumb so stupid ass decied to write I SUCK COCK on my car shit that stuff pissed me off last night my dadd and i got into another fight. oh well i just called my aunt liz also last night i went out with Justin and met jacko,nick,nick,jaimie,and tiffany at the skate park but when i droped justin off at his house before he got out of my car he kissed me i was stunned i guess i was not excpecting it also last night i talked to val
you fucking rock girl
any way i am doing very well in my applied medical science class i am very happy and i am still working a Burgerville i have been working there for almost 7 months shit where does the time go. i finally finished my poem i have been trying to finish it for about 6 months i will post it tomorrow
i have to go to class now
love me
Sep. 18th, 2003 @ 12:50 pm
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| » (No Subject) |
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HOLY SHIT i totally forgot that i had a livejournal i guess that i have been quite busy with work and this summer and now school. this summer kind of sucked i manily worked i work at Burgerville for all of you that dont know this already. i bought my first car this summer also all by myself it feels good. any way i just got off work and i am in a very good mood and i just want to jump up and down or dance or something alone those lines.i am very excited and i dont know why when i started work today i was kind of pissy any way i started school last tuesday and this friday we get fitted for our scrubs(appilied medical sciencs) thats the class that i am in i really like it its fun. i cant believe that i only have one year of high school left after this one it has gone by so fast this year i am going for a 3.5 or higher and i know that i can do it too.my room i such a mess i think that i should clean......NAWWWW i will do it later i'm in to much of a good mood
Anyway Kenny went thru drive thru today and when i cashed him out i gave him a dog bone and he asked what it was for and i told him it was for him because he is a fucking DOG well i also told him that i hated him well that was like two weeks ago but i still said it i'm happy that he now know how i feel about him and that i wont let him get under my skin now way it wont work.
Any way i am going to go now
write in you later
Bye
Sep. 5th, 2003 @ 10:54 pm
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| » Untitled |
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i wrote another poem here it is
I Want
by xlittlexmindx
I cant stand it when i hear your name
I feel so angry
I have so much pain
I want to cry
I want you to see
I feel I have nothing to gain
To see the tears roll down my face
Is it a treasure
Is that your pleasure
Hateing you with half my heart
Loveing you with the rest
I want to kick you
I want to kiss you
All I want is to be with you
Jun. 9th, 2003 @ 02:47 pm
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| » Stay Off The Roads |
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hell yeah i did it i got my drivers license i got a 92 on the test the lady said that i did perfect on parell parking i am so happy yesterday i went for a drive i just got in the truck and rolled down the windows and blasted up my music and just drove it was great i also got paid yesterday i got 333.97 and i work in fast food i have so many hours i love it i got up at 4:15 this morning and went to the gym with my friend lindsay but we didn't work out because i have to have my dad sign a paper so we ran in down town hazel del we felt so stupid it was great then we went shopping and after that we wnt to the park and we swang on our bellies it was so great tonight when i get out of school i am going to go put my check in the bank and fill my dad's gas tank and go driving i cant wait
well i ahve a shit load of work to do
i love you all
bye
Jun. 9th, 2003 @ 02:38 pm
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| » BLOOD |
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i am so tired to day i gave blood this morning and i think it was pretty good some girl passed out i guess that she didn't eat breakfast today and thats why it happened i cant wait till next year to do it we only have 8 school days left hell yeah and warped tour in in less than one month i am so excited any way i have been working so much and i am getting paied this Sunday i am making really good money and i get really good hours next week i have 25 hours and i am getting trained on drive thru i cant wait any way
i have to go i have work to get done
i love you all
Jun. 6th, 2003 @ 02:30 pm
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| » guys SUCK |
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hey
i worked last noght from 6 to 10 i didn't get home till like 11 and i am so fucking tired thats really all i have to tell
i wrote another poem
Jerk
by littlexminds
All the mistakes I have made
Stay bottled up
They wont go away
They seem so small
So petty to you
You pay no attention as my heart drowns in you
I have given you everything I possibly could
You took my emotions and soul for granted
I gave and you took
I recived nothing back
I feel as if i have fucked it all up
Getting caught in the moment
What the hell was i thinking
I give it all up and i dont want it back
I say this to you with my heart and my soul
I’ll love you forever
But please go away
May. 21st, 2003 @ 08:08 am
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| » (No Subject) |
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this pisses me off i cant sstand guys and all they do is think that all girls are good for is to please them in bed then when you think that you have found one that is different they end up bein fucked up just like the others and it hurts me so much to know that the person that i care for i cant have
my brother has been one for a few weeks and i really miss him my dad and i are getting along really well he made me breakfast yesterday it was so good thi8is summer i am going to take a week or two off of work and o to florida i am gitting my grades up so i have more privlides
i wrote a poem the other day and here is is
USER
by littlexminds
you pick me up from work
then spill you’re soul to me
i thought you were different but you have only made me see
your just like the rest
you tell your friend about that night
then you say to another one what you said to me
i think about you and want to die
what did i do that made you hurt me like you did
i see you driving down the road
you dont even look my way
you come in and talk to me
but its not the way it use to be
the smiles are gone and so am i
by the time you grow up it will be to late
i could have given you so much
but you threw it all away
i want to forget about that night and move on with my life
the pathedic thing is i would do it again just to be with you
as the time passes the feelings will fade
just let me breath and give me time to pass you through my broken heart
May. 13th, 2003 @ 07:57 pm
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